I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
