By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize