her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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