I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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