HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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