I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
