She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
