I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize