So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
