I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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