just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
