I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
