Do you still have your period?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
