Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
