Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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