i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
