This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
