I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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