someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
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