Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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