Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
