dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
