He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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