Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I met the friendliest cop last night
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize