I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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