Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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