11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
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