well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We're too hungover to prance.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
