so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Randomize
