I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
