Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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