Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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