OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
