If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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