wrigley field is MILF paradise
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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