I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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