I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
