Do you still have your period?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Randomize