Only a mothe r could love this liver
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
