I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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