I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
