Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
