I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
