Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
