Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
