I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
