i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
