and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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