Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
