It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
