I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
