3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
