I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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