Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
