420 ftw
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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