you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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