Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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