My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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