Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
