sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I deserve this hangover.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
