Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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