I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
