The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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