my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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