considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize