Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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