you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
