I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
