One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
