I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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