How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
