I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
