Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
