I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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