that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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