I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize