I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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