HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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