If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
