i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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