I need help removing her.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize