toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
