How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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