The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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