i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
