We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
