the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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