And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize