3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
