Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
