he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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