And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
