he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
