Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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