Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize