It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
