Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
