i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
