Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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