i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
