We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
