I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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