So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
