He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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