dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
