i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize