oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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