Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
