the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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