Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
