My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
