Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
