Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize