Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
