Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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