I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
