Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i drank out of a bidet.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
