the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
