One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
