Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
